Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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