I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
