he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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