If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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