There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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