I puked a lego.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize