I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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