if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
