Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
