you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
