i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
