I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize