Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
