Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
