If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
