Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
