If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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