Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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