He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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