How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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