And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
