So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
