clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
