Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
