I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
