Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
