Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I want a musical about memes.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
