I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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