Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
