Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
