Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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