hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
