Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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