Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
