Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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