Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
