Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
