my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
