I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i believe in u and ur pee
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
