Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
