I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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