Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
