You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
