do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
