I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
