Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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