i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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