Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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