I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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