I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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