Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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