I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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