You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize