i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
