just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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