Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
