you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
