Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize