My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
