drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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