I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize