I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
