Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
