the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
