is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
