My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
