He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize