..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
