i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize