We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
