Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
