May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
