It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
