Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
