Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
