Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
