I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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