a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
