There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
