Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
