i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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