Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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