I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
