You smell like stripper and shame
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
