What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
