My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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