capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
