I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
