And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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