Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
