I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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